Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
