My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
