she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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