Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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