Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
