sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
