If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
