Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
