What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
