the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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