he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
