Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
