we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
