too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
