No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
