there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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