I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
