WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
