Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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