I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
