you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
