I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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