You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
