So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
