We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
