So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
