Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My balls are so social today.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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