I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
