if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am midnight drunk by noon
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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