Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
