just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
