Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
