apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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