dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hippo gnu deer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
