I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
