I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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