I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
