My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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