They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
