I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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