She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
