I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
