i can't believe i had my finger in that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
