Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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