let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
