i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
