The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
