the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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