forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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