just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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