do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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