its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
